Signs You Have Joined A Cheap HMO

 Dialysis machines powered by COPD patients on treadmills.

Use of antibiotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure"

Head wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of "War and Peace"

Annual chest x-ray conducted at Hooters.

Exam room has a tip jar

You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument tray just before the anesthesia kicked in.

"Will you be paying in eggs or pelts?"

"Take two leeches and call me in the  morning"

The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip.

Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle

Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on Mia Farrow's doorstep

"Pre-natal vitamin" prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs

Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana

Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the campground"

Doctor listens to your heart through a paper towel tube.

Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is, "an apple a day"

Recycled bandages.

You can get your flu shot as soon as "The hypodermic needle is dry.