|HANDY EXERCISES TO PREPARE FOR YOUR HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE
1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe you with his applicator.
2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat Coverage Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky down your throat.
3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up your nose.
4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your smile and repeating: "mild discomfort".
5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to seven AM, at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a Craftsman (square head) screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle.
6. Remove all actual food from the house.
7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat tree and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall.
8. Urinate into an empty lipstick tube.
|Used by permission from a book And How Are We Feeling Today? by Kathryn Hammer (copyright 1993, Contemporary Books).|
And our readers suggest adding:
9. Start sticking nails in your wrists. This will toughen the
wrists up in case they want to do
arterial blood gases!!!! (Thanks Veneta Clarida)
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